Published books

Modern Hearts Magazine

Heartbreak, Headaches, and Other Modern Conditions Advice from Miss Fortune, Modern Hearts Magazine, 1958–1961 Welcome to the yellowed pages of Modern Hearts Magazine, America's most questionable source of romantic guidance. For three glorious years, readers from every corner of the nation poured their troubles into the mailbox of the magazine's resident advice columnist, **Miss Fortune**. Their letters arrived by the sackful: tales of impossible sweethearts, serial fiancés, chronic complainers, professional excuse-makers, amateur emperors, and men who regarded soap as a hostile political movement. With wit, wisdom, and only occasional mercy, Miss Fortune answered them all. Presented here for the first time is a complete collection of her most memorable columns, lovingly preserved from the magazine's celebrated golden era. Through dozens of letters and replies, readers will encounter a parade of romantic misadventures, personality defects, self-inflicted catastrophes, and spectacularly avoidable mistakes. Inside you'll discover: * The gentleman who feared soap. * The bridegroom with a frequent flyer account for engagements. * The woman who lost an argument to a cat. * The optimism factory that converts warning signs into excuses. * The romance drive-thru. * Dinner with Napoleon. * And many other unfortunate souls who wandered into Miss Fortune's office seeking comfort and accidentally received perspective instead. Featuring vintage-inspired illustrations, fake advertisements, editorial departments, rejected letters, dictionaries of romance, and enough questionable life choices to fill several filing cabinets, Heartbreak, Headaches, and Other Modern Conditions recreates the experience of discovering a long-lost mid-century advice magazine that somehow understood modern relationships better than many modern relationship books. Funny, insightful, and occasionally alarmingly accurate, this collection reminds us that fashions change, technology advances, and hairstyles come and go—but human beings continue finding inventive new ways to complicate perfectly good relationships. As Miss Fortune herself often observed: > "The problem with red flags is not that they're difficult to see. It's that people keep trying to repaint them." Open carefully. Some of these people may remind you of someone you know.

Pet Owner's Field Survival Manual

The **Pet Owner’s Field Survival Manual** is the first fully declassified guide to domestic animal operations, compiled for civilian operators who have survived at least one (1) morning feeding, two (2) unauthorized zoomies, or any incident involving a shredded roll of toilet paper. Inside these sepia‑toned pages, you’ll find tactical doctrine for navigating the unpredictable behavioral theaters of both the Feline and Canine Divisions. From the silent psychological warfare of cats to the enthusiastic but poorly‑aimed loyalty of dogs, this manual arms you with the checklists, protocols, and sanity‑preservation strategies needed to maintain order in a household where you are technically “in charge” but operationally outranked. Whether you’re a rookie handler or a seasoned operator with bite‑mark scars and a thousand‑yard stare, this manual ensures you will never again enter a living room ambush unprepared. **The Half‑Thing Doctrine** (Feline Division — Behavioral Operations) **Operational Overview** The Half‑Thing Doctrine refers to the feline tactic of presenting an object, action, or body part at precisely fifty percent completion. This maneuver is designed to confuse the operator, disrupt workflow, and assert territorial dominance through ambiguity. **Field Notes** Operators will encounter Half‑Thing events during routine domestic patrols. Examples include: * A cat occupying **half** of your chair, leaving the remaining half ergonomically useless * A **half‑completed** knock‑off of a water glass, paused mid‑air for dramatic tension * A **half‑visible** cat behind a curtain, tail exposed, daring you to interpret intent These events are not random. They are part of a long‑standing feline psychological doctrine known as Strategic Partial Engagement. **Tactical Interpretation** The Half‑Thing Doctrine serves three primary purposes: 1. **Territorial Claiming** — By occupying half of something, the cat implies ownership of the whole. 2. **Operator Disruption** — The operator must decide whether to proceed, retreat, or negotiate. All options are wrong. 3. **Ambiguity Warfare** — Cats thrive in the gray zone. Half‑Thing events force the operator into a Schrödinger‑like state of uncertainty. **Recommended Countermeasures** * **Acknowledge the Half‑Thing** without attempting to resolve it. * **Do not relocate the cat.** This escalates the situation into a Full‑Thing Incident. * **Document the event** in your Operator Log for future analysis and emotional processing. **Operational Example** At 0700 hours, Operator attempts to sit in designated work chair. Cat is occupying the left half, curled in a crescent shape approximating the NATO symbol for “Do Not Disturb.” Operator attempts to use the right half, resulting in spinal misalignment and reduced morale. Cat purrs in victory. **Conclusion** The Half‑Thing Doctrine cannot be defeated. It can only be respected. Operators are advised to maintain situational awareness and accept that any object in the home may be subject to partial occupation at any time.

The Name Game: Forgotten Names of Legendary Rock Groups

A hilarious deep dive into the band names that almost were. Music history meets comedy in this fast, fascinating collection.

Keepinnit Reels: Analog Edition

Keepinnit Reels: Analog Edition blends humor, heart, and analog‑era storytelling into one cozy, crackling collection. A perfect read for anyone who still remembers life with a little static around the edges.

Casting Conquests: The Surprising Runner-Ups for Iconic Roles

Every iconic role has a shadow history — the actors who auditioned, campaigned, or came heartbreakingly close. Casting Conquests explores those alternate‑universe moments with humor, curiosity, and a deep love for the movies that shaped us. A celebration of what was… and what almost was.

The REAL College Survival Guide

The REAL College Survival Guide cuts through the glossy brochure fantasy and gets straight to the truth: weird roommates, cafeteria roulette, 2 a.m. panic‑studying, and the fine art of pretending you read the syllabus. Sharp, funny, and brutally relatable, it’s the handbook every freshman wishes they had before move‑in day.

The First Time I Ever Heard...

First Time I Ever Heard… captures the magic of discovering classic rock albums for the very first time — the sound, the stories, and the moments that turned listeners into lifelong fans.

The Keepinnit Reels: Volume 1

The Keepinnit Reels: Volume 1 is where the whole analog experiment begins — a mixtape of essays soaked in sepia, memory, and the kind of humor that sneaks up on you like a late‑night radio signal. It’s warm, weird, and unmistakably human, a reminder that slow stories still matter in a fast world.

Poems of People and Place

**Poems of People and Place** is a collection rooted in the landscapes that shape us and the lives that give those landscapes meaning. These poems move through towns, fields, kitchens, crossroads, and quiet corners—capturing how memory settles into geography and how every person carries a bit of their home in their bones.

The Complete Michael Pollick Starter Kit

New to the Pollickverse? The Complete Michael Pollick Starter Kit hands you the essentials: humor with bite, nostalgia with mileage, and essays that wander into unexpected emotional territory before circling back with a wink. It’s the crash course, the sampler platter, the “so you want to understand this guy” collection — all in one place.